** Wanted to re-write and add some things**

This is my 5th attempt, writing this. Trying to make it short and sweet. But anyone that knows me a little, knows how difficult that is for me. So, in an attempt to get to the meat and potatoes, ever since the diagnosis with hypothyroidism and mild depression and then shortly thereafter the divorce and being ordered to pay a little over $3k /month for support for the next yr. Life's roller coaster, has had a lot longer and more frequent valleys, than peaks. But then emotionally, things became much worse after having Jacob withheld from me for 3 months, then both of my boys taken from me for another 6 weeks. However, it did lead to me getting my boys a lot more, just under 50% and too a great relationship with them both and the realization of how amazing they are and how important every moment with them is. Of course, nothing in life is free, and I definitely have had to pay extra, since each and ever week there is an issue with the exchanges, how they treat the boys and the complete lack of even trying to co-parent. With some weeks much worse than others of course, but always a constant and consistent weight on my shoulders that has interfered with all aspects of life, to include work and false accusations by their mom and her husband.

Well, fast forward to present day and other areas of life. And after reaching and out and trying to help out a friend of 30 yrs, I was evicted about 6 months ago. With what I had on my plate in the first place, maybe I shouldn't have opened my door. Especially since I didn't realize all that he had on his plate. And since then I have struggled with living arrangements, from renting small rooms and motels, while living out of my car. However, my boys were always 110% safe and saw it as an adventure and not as a problem or stress.

Then while dealing with all this, about 5 months ago I was placed on administrative leave due to inaccurate perceptions and false accusations, that pertain to my medical conditions and lifes stresses. I am still getting paid, but only about half of what I should be receiving. And since I have never had issues or complaints of this nature at work or even my personal life over my 15 yr career working in law enforcement and protecting and serving the public. I fully expect to be back to work full time, with little to no adverse actions against me very soon.

Throughout the last 7 months and much more over the last 4, I have been training dogs, teaching martial arts and doing personal training and any other odd jobs I can find, while cutting any other corners I can. I have looked into and asked for assistance from the county and Many Veterans associations, with all offering little help due to not meeting their guidelines, not being a combat veteran, making too much money, not having my kids enough, having kids, not being disabled enough, getting out too long ago, etc. I have had to put my pride and ego aside many times during this ordeal, on top of all that I have mentioned, I have also went to pay-day loans shops, pawn shops and food banks, hoping to provide as normal and as happy and healthy of a life for my boys as possible. And knowing how much I love them and the truth behind everything and how hard I am trying to fix and better these situations, my mom and sister have helped our as best they could.

So, I have came down this road as a last resort and am Humbly asking for just a little bit of help getting my boys and I thru these obstacles. I believe, that if I can get the money together, I have found a very nice, quiet and safe place, that I can move into this week. And once I can do that and start working regularly again, hopefully within the next 2 weeks, I think "normal", is right around the corner.  I like to believe that there is no repercussions that will effect my boys, but I know that is not true.  I know they deserve better, their own room, certainty and security, that when I turn the keys in the ignition, that the car will start.   That when we flip the switch on the wall, the lights will go on.  And that when I pick them up, we will be going "home", the same one as last time.  And if I honestly thought things would be near perfect if they stayed with their mom and that she wouldn't hold it against me, I might have considered something temporary.  But, according to their "step dad", everything in the house is his and he likes to remind them of this, the house, the car, the fridge, even the couch.....and that to me, is not a home. He even tells them what they can or can't wear in his house and clothes from the thrift store aren't allowed in his house.  

I am willing to work for it, repay it like a loan, pay it forward or whatever is necessary to keep moving towards the goals and not slip backwards. Thank you for reading.