Hello,

I never thought I would ever have to do this but I'm at a point where I feel like my back is against the wall. I've always been the person who always been on the side of helping and have never been too comfortable with asking for help but I'm at a breaking point and don't have support. I'm stuck in a very emotional/ financial abusive relationship. And what's even crazier is that it started to happen as soon as I became more vulnerable in life. If I make any small mistake I am punished with silent treatment and he will only buy food for himself. My marriage is at the worst stage it's ever been. And it seems like as soon as I got to a point where I had to lean on my own husband the abuse started. We have only been married for 2 years and literally as soon as our marriage was tested by me not being able to find a job as quickly as he would like the humiliation rituals began.

I honestly don't even feel like I ever knew this person. I'm questioning my own discernment and how I even got myself here. I'm currently looking for a new job but over the last 8 months it's been so hard even getting a interview or even a rejection letter for any job I apply to. I've always had an easy time finding a job but the current market hasn't been the best. What prompted me to even make this post today was food insecurity. And it's really starting to scare me. As I'm writing this I'm so hungry. My hunger is what even gave me the courage to make this post.

Usually he will give me money so I can do the grocery shopping for the week for the house. Usually even when we run out I'm able to create some meal out of thin air. But since he hasn't wanted to go grocery shopping we've been eating out. I do all the cooking and cleaning in the house. So to me him not wanting to give me the money for groceries is another way for him to have control and lead me to feel food insecure. Which is also why there's not much in there now. He usually controls what we eat since it's his money that we depend on right now.

The routine we've had so far has been when he gets off from work he will bring food to the house and then I will usually eat then. But today for some reason when he came home he only brought food for himself. He literally ate right in front of me. I didn't say anything I didn't attack because like I said the balls in his court. I didn't want to ruffle any feathers. I don't even know why I'm being punished. We didn't have any altercations last night or this morning. We both went to bed on good terms so I really don't understand why I'm being punished. It's so hurtful and confusing and embarrassing.

I need money so I can leave as soon as possible. I'm tired of walking on eggshells. My nervous system is wrecked. It can be the smallest thing that causes him to punish me. I never know because he will just give me the silent treatment like today. And frankly I'm tired of trying to figure it out. One time I innocently ate a meatball that was in the fridge for 2 days. And he gave me the silent treatment for 3 days over it. I even apologize for eating it. But it wasn't enough he gave me the silent treatment over a meatball for 3 days. Imagine negative energy and tension in your home for 3 days over a meatball. I can't make any mistakes big or small. And I'm just at a point where I feel powerless and was just hoping someone would see my story and hopefully be able to help me get out of this situation.

The reason I asked for 30,000 is because it would cover me being able to get cash car, and I could use it as a boost to get approved for an apartment while I'm currently still looking for a job. I already have in apartment in mind and I know I can get approved as long as theres some money in the bank while not being able to show pay stubs.

This story is not fake. And I don't want you to think I'm a victim. I've just been blessed to able to see this person for who they truly are. I was stripped of everything while with this person because I was meant to see the real true heart of this person. When everything is good on my end I got the nice guy. But as soon as our marriage was tested just this once the mask fell off so quick.

I just want to file for divorce and start over. And I hope someone out there finds it in their hearts to help me out.

Thanks for listening.

Monica