The past 10 years of my life have been spent trying to be the kind of person that I can be proud of.That my girls would be proud of.About 8 years ago my daughters were ordered to be in the care of their grandmother on the fathers side. My life and mental health at the time were a mess and I was completely on my own with no family and no clue. The situation was manipulated by the grandmother and their father at the time.It was the hardest thing I’ve had to endure and I haven’t exactly had an easy life. I have consistently attempted to be a part of the girls lives, I try to help in whatever way I am able or allowed, I am at every recital, play, concert or event I am privy to.Christmas, Birthdays same thing.The girls grandmother has gone to such great lengths to ensure that I don’t have any chance to be a mother. I haven’t always been a great person but I cannot imagine how she feels justified in taking advantage of the unfortunate situation and abusing her role as a caregiver. For the entirety of the court order, she has threatened me with legal consequences when I would ask to spend time with them.Turns out she is the only one who has violated that order.For 8 years she has denied the visitation I was supposed to have, and made me feel like I had no right.Nothing I’ve done is good enough,despite the fact that I have changed my life completely.No trouble of any kind since the initial order was made,no substances, lived in the same home for 6 years now, and I managed to keep on the lights and water and still be able to send groceries,clothes,shoes school supplies and anything else that I am able and informed that they may need.Still not even a chance to have a better relationship with the girls. I have just started the process of taking legal action to remedy this situation. There no excuse anymore and my chances in changing the order are extremely high and I am empty without those 2 girls. I do my best to not be a burden to anyone,not to ask for anything.But I need help more than ever.If I can bring my girls home there are many things that are needed to help.My home needs a couple of repairs,a leak or 2,some of the faucets are leaking and I will need to furnish the bedroom for them.Most likely lots of other necessities when the time comes as well.Everything is so expensive and I am struggling now to cover the basics, and can’t remember the last time I bought myself something like clothes,or heck anything other than shampoo and that kind of stuff. I don’t have wifi, I don’t eat out, haven’t been on vacation of any kind in a decade. I am ok with that, but I am want to bring them back and I know that it’s going to be a tough transition for all of us, especially given the fact that the grandmother has money and I don’t.Shes established and just financially stable.I struggle so I worry about the difference between our two worlds, and the impact it may have on the girls. I just want to be able to provide them with the things they need and make this situation easier.They have gone through enough.More than enough.I appreciate any help from the bottom of my heart and I can’t begin to explain how much it means and how much it can help change our lives.