Hey there, all my friends and family. It's been a while. I know. I had hoped I could pull myself up from the stumbles I had taken over these past several years. But mere stumbles have become more of a free fall. I've heard people call their hard times a downward spiral. That's accurate. Or it was. Now, I have on rocket skates and I'm flying down Lombard St. It ain't pretty.

I am writing this in complete darkness. Our power has been prematurely shut off two weeks ahead of our official, court ordered move out date (02/28/2023) and the soonest Seattle City Light can turn my electricity back on is Tuesday, apparently. Because no one is there over the weekend, they say. Meanwhile, its freezing, all our food is getting ruined and I cant see to pack up our stuff to go...

Some..where? The funds I am hoping for, I look at that number and it seems ludicrous. But it's for more than just a move. It's a cushion to cover housing costs and not fall behind again.

Because if I want any sort of stable future, I need some form of therapy to help get my head realigned. And I need no less than 32 new teeth to replace the few I have left . There is a wicked irony to my dental nightmare. I never liked my teeth. They have been janky since the day they started coming in. Mom could never afford braces. Later on, I couldn't either. So.. There aren't too many pictures of me with an open-mouth smile. Then, I got one of those big buck things knocked out. Right up there in front.

That was a bad day.

Hey. Did you know that not only your jaw and your gums help to anchor your teeth nice and sturdy inside your mouth, but the surrounding teeth do as well? Me neither until they started exiting my face at an alarming rate.

And this is what I think I know:

I won't get hired any place good with my face like this.

Heck.. I won't get much of anything like this. I have a genuine fear that I'm just gonna be alone. Just alone until I stop breathing.

For more than three years, I have had hardship after hardship. From having my identity stolen, not once but twice. To the unexpected resurfacing of past trauma I had forgotten completely about until triggers I never could have predicted taught me how horrifying a panic attack can be. I am a mess, guys. Severe, crippling depression. High anxiety. Peppered with occasional gut punches of good old fashioned PTSD.

And then mom died. I was never gonna be ready for that. She was all I really had. Didnt really have a dad growing up. She did the best she could.

She did a good job. But it maybe doesn't look that way at the moment. There is no way any of this makes her proud.

But I want to.

I just need a little help from my friends. And my family. And your friends. And their families. And if anyone that sees this knows Oprah or anyone else that's known for philanthropic awesomeness, I sure could use a miracle.

Alternatively, Carlin and I are both up for adoption. Carlin comes with his cat, Blitzle. They are inseparable and the cat is crucial to his mental wellness. Truly a support kitty. Because Carlin also comes with what they used to call Asperger's. But now they just have him on a rather vague spectrum that houses autism and ADD and every other learning disability, apparently. The three of us aren't necessarily a package deal. He could honestly probably use a fresh perspective from mine. But the cat comes stapled to Carlin like an extended warranty.

I come with angst and my synthesizer. That is my support kitty. Writing and playing music is the best way I have found to make myself feel better when I get low.

I've made a lot of music lately.

However.

Please, please, please help me not end up on the sidewalk playing it with a cup for spare change. You can't even get those monkeys with fezzes anymore, anyway.

To summarize:

Your very much appreciated donation will go towards funding the following;

Shelter for two fine gents and a smart little kitty

Counseling and other medical necessities for us

A smile I can finally be proud of after 50+ years of being ashamed by it

The tools to find a good job/career

And a new, improved me. One that will remember where having an overly escalated sense of pride got him, and also one that would have made his mama proud.

Thank you to everyone that has taken time from their day to have a look at this. I appreciate it very much. Please, also, if you don't mind, share this with your friends and colleagues and be sure to tell them what a swell guy I am.

Because, I am really, really scared.

This, at least gives me a pinch of hope.

Top 3 contributors get original music composed by me just for you

I'll try to make it good. 🙃

* the most important part of this can't be overstated. We are going to need someplace to stay very, very soon. We won't have much, but we will also need just a little extra room for some storage of things impossible to let go of.

Honestly praying for superheroes out there

One last thing. Perhaps the most important. Any financial donations aside, I want to be sure Carlin gets through this as easily as possible. I can say with every matter of certainty that as unprepared for being out in the cold as I am, my son is significantly less ready to face that and he really shouldn't have to.

This is for him. Then mom. Then the cat. And then the table and bookshelf grandad made. I fall into the order of what's important here after those things.

I said a lot. I have so much more to say but this is the hardest, most humbling thing I have ever had to do and I hate that I'm even doing it. But we really need help.

Thanks for reading.