My name is Nicole, and my kids are my world. Like every other human, I have made mistakes, but I don't believe that the things I've done in the past make me a bad mother. I love them more than life it's self, and without them my life has no purpose. My own mother got upset with me because I stood up to her when she was being mean to my 6 year old daughter Kistin, and called cps the next day and made a complaint that led to them taking my newborn son before he even came home from NICU. I've done everything they have asked me to do, and now my mother has both of my kids and kicked me out of her house where I had been staying so that I had transportation to all of my appointments and so I could be with my daughter. I am no longer even allowed at her house or around either of my kids except for an hour a week at a supervised visitation center. I have been trying to reach my public defender for over a week, with no success. I am asking for help for a few things.

1. I need to get a real lawyer who is familiar with ICWA, the Indian Child Welfare Act. I am native American, and there are laws in place that are supposed to protect myself and my children from things like this. Legally, my tribe and social services are supposed to make every effort to reunite me with my children, but they are just going through the motions so that it looks like they are doing so. I feel like they have already made up their minds on my case, and they have no intention of seeing me succeed and returning my babies. I am not a bad mother, and my children are my number one priority. Without them, I feel like I have nothing. They are my air. I need a lawyer who isn't friends with the employees at social services and the d.a. and all of the people working against me. One who isn't afraid to go against them to fight for me and what's right. I need a lawyer who is only concerned with defending my rights and isn't worried about personal relationships while we're in court.

2. I need a reliable car to be able to get to work as well as to attend all of my appointments, court dates, meetings, and visits. I live in a somewhat rural part of Nevada, and the bus is not a reasonable means of transportation for me. I am not the type of person who asks for help, and this is very hard for me, but I am not even able to get to work to pay for any of this myself without a vehicle. I don't need anything pretty or expensive. Just something to get me from point a to point b safely.

3. I need help getting into an apartment or house where I can have my children. I had a house that I was renting from my mother but moved out to stay with her and be with my daughter, but she kicked me out of her house the day before she got my son, because she says I am not fit to be around my kids. I can't go back to where I was living because someone else is now living in my old home. My mother in law is allowing me to stay on her couch until I find a place to stay, but I can not stay here long term, and I can't have my children here. I have tried to get in to every shelter, transitional living program, rehab, everything that allows women to have their children while in their program, and I am not eligible for most of them due to my age or my children's ages. The earliest I could have them with me at the one place that I can go to is 6 months from now, but I'm afraid that if I did that, when I completed the 6 months, they will just change their minds again just like they did this time and it will all be a waste of time. I have already jumped through all of their hoops and done outpatient counceling, consistent visits with my children and social worker, passed drug tests, everything that I was told I had to do to get them back, but because my mother kicked me out, none of that counts and they want to start over and not give me credit for anything I have done so far. I have applied for section 8, and am on the waiting list, but there's no telling how long it will be until I get into a place.

Please don't judge me for what you have just read. I am not asking for your pity, I just need help getting to a point where I can be self sufficient. Im not asking for money for a single thing that is unnecessary in getting my children back. I am trying to work to pay for everything myself, and plan to put every dollar I make towards the three things outlines in this fundraiser. Thank you for your time and consideration. God bless you.