-- My Illness and Financial Difficulty --

Starting from square one - I suffer from Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome (CIRS) due to exposure to mold toxins. I'm living in my van to avoid mold exposure from water damaged buildings. I cannot work or live indoor. I'm working Door Dash food delivery to try to cover my expenses. I get sick from mold exposure in the buildings I'm in for that job (restaurants, apartments) every week now - I'm getting more sick, not less. Two weekends ago I barely worked because I had gotten so sick from exposure throughout the week - I made about $40 I think. The next weekend was a bit better making about $100. The point is that I'm getting worse and I can barely provide for myself. I have to work because the expenses keep coming, but working makes me sick. Its a pretty terrible cycle that causes chaos for my mental health on a weekly basis - often several times a week if I come across mold during my week too (I frequently do). Its tough to explain - most weeks I'm able to recover by Thursday or Friday and re-establish goals and mindset and some level of productivity, but then after a day or two of work my mind isn't... it isn't functional anymore - kind of a blank void. No ability to organize around tasks of any kind, no motivation to organize or even a desire for anything at all... quite dark as well. It's hell, and it's exhausting. Add on top of that trying to live out of a van... avoiding being indoors, keeping a running catalog of the buildings that make me sick - trying to determine which place or thing made me sick alone is exhausting and takes days or weeks - not being able to shower or wash clothes really... moving every three months, finding somewhere to sleep each night - never really having privacy. All of these challenges. I'm absolutely exhausted. I guess I'm just complaining now.

-- Financial Need --

I'm going to be moving across the country again in a month or two and will need some money to do that. My trusty van will need some love before that as well. I may also need some money for more doctor appointments to get my disability benefits approved (more on that below). A side benefit to this fund is that it might maybe afford me some time off from work too - to really minimize my exposure to mold and sort of reset my nervous system.

-- Disability Benefit / SSI --

I'm working on getting disability benefits through the Social Security Administration. I started the process in April. I think I will get a verdict by the end of the year. I am able to appeal if they say no. In the case of an appeal, I will need to see my super expensive doctor some more. BUT, I'm really hoping that I simply get approved. Then I can focus on my health exclusively without having to work.

If you have the resources and want to donate you can use this site or send to me directly on Venmo @Kevin-Bergeron-12 (theres no percentage taken out with Venmo). Thank you!! The $2000 goal is sort of arbitrary - I can use any help I can get. ❤️

I really really hope this is the last time I have to do this. At the same time I'm grateful that I can ask for help when I need to, and grateful for all of you.

More Info (since you last heard from me):

It has almost been a year since I last asked for help from you all. A lot has happened since then - the last 12 months feel like 5 years to me. Immediately after receiving a ton of generous donations from friends I started looking for a job because I was determined to not end up broke again. I started a job as a mobile bike technician in Phoenix on November 6th of last year. I was also detoxing and seeing my doctor and generally very vigilant about healing my body at this point. This was the longest detox period I managed in the last year - about 2 1/2 months probably. Unfortunately, the job required that I go into houses to repair Peloton equipment and the storage unit was at work was moldy too. I was so determined to work that I pushed through it even though the job made me sick. There was also something about the air quality in Phoenix. I was slowly losing eyesight in my right eye (fully regained now). At a certain point the detox stopped because I was getting sick too frequently to detox at the same time (detoxing also makes one feel sick).

One of the benefits of being able to detox for a while is that I regained a quality of optimism in my outlook - I distinctly remember the moment I realized I wasn't fearing absolutely everything and started seeing how things could possibly go right for me. SO, after determining that pursuing a job opportunity in Minnesota was still too risky due to my health, I decided I wanted to start a mobile bike repair business of my own in my hometown of Des Moines, Iowa. I knew I would have to make money with a separate job while I started the business so I got a job with some very understanding friends in March this year and became very sick at that job - very mentally unwell, unfortunately.

I took some time to take care of my mind and then maybe 4 weeks later (the dust of the mental health chaos-cycle can take a long time to settle) I started working Door Dash. I never really started the business.

There was one period in early summer, in Des Moines, where I tried to restart my detox - I sort of lost my mind and backed off after just a few days. I did the same thing once here in Superior, Wisconsin just a few weeks ago, where I had a period of stability and was determined to return to Iowa feeling better and riding hard. I said, "I'm gonna detox and be tough and push through and find a nice apartment blah blah" and I lost my mind again and couldn't stick with it. Its really tough to explain. It really just feels like I'm losing my mind.

I don't know that its really necessary to spell this all out for you all but I do feel a certain level of responsibility to show how money will be, and has been, used. I think I also understand that chronic illness in general is really difficult to understand for anyone that doesn't experience it. And I've seen how being open and vulnerable can create connection and help other people feel less alone. I'm sure a lot of it is simply me wanting to feel seen too. Its a really difficult illness to understand for pretty much everyone - especially for those who have seen me in the past year. I don't socialize unless I'm feeling good (true of most mentally or physically ill people btw), so its tough to see that I'm struggling when I'm in front of you. I just look like a weirdo who won't go inside.

Again, if you're able to donate I would be incredibly grateful, and if you can't I understand too. The fact that you've read any of this is pretty cool. Hopefully I won't have to ask again. Thank you in advance to all of you. ❤️

Venmo - @Kevin-Bergeron-12