This photo is of me and my parents dog, Ava!

CW: sexual assault, r*pe

TLDR; rape is bad, I need a dog

I'm Mer, and I'm a QTPOC from the Chicago area. I recently graduated from college and moved to Salt Lake City with my best friend. Life is good and I'm thankful, but there are a few major things I need to address before January 2020, which is when my loan grace period ends. Cue sob story:

I've been sexually assaulted and raped by strangers, partners, and “friends” multiple times in the past 8 years. Not only has the trauma of these events been harmful, but people's responses to it as well.

Let's hear some quality quotes from people I told about my experiences:

“Did you orgasm?!” - high school friend

“Why does this happen to you?” - family medicine resident

“Was it really that bad?” - college friend

More quality content from the rapists themselves:

“I actually honestly don't remember exactly what you look like and that's why am asking for a picture so i can remember what happened better” -response from rapist who drugged me and then sang “One Love” while he did it, after I confronted him about how he hurt me

“Have a great day at work you ;)” -unmemorable rapist except that his bed was in the far right corner of the room and now I hate being in rooms if the bed is in the far right corner

“I thought you wouldn't mind” -rapist who I woke up to on top of and inside of me

Really quality stuff, right? Oh and the anniversary of “One Love” is in 2 days. Party.

These events turned my life upside down, destroying my ability to focus, sleep, read, remember, and have any desire to leave my home. They hurt me so badly that I have had to take a year off of school, dissociated so badly that I got lost in the Chicago subway system, gotten kicked out of college, and can't hold a job.

After discussions with my physician and my best friend, we've decided to train a psychiatric service dog. I'm excited at the prospect of not getting lost in public, being able to hold a job, and most importantly being happier and healthier. I hope that getting a service dog could help me grab the reins on my life again.

I don't need to start paying my loans until January 2020, leaving me ample time to bond with and train a dog. Now is the best time for me to do this.

The difference between a service dog and any other dog is that it's a working dog, trained to do specific tasks to help only me. From speaking with trainers, tasks we're going to train are:

• Blocking-- the dog creates a barrier to other people to ensure I have enough personal space
• Deep pressure therapy-- the dog lays on top of me to calm/comfort
• Interruption of thoughts and redirection of repetitive behaviours-- the dog paws or licks until I stop the behaviour
• Exiting-- the dog creates a distraction to give me an excuse to leave, and can help me find an exit 

We are going the route of training our own because:

• Waitlists are years long
• Not many groups train PTSD service dogs for civilians
• They can cost $20,000 or more 

The first cost is that we are currently looking for a lab or golden retriever puppy to start socializing and training, which could cost anywhere from $0 to $2000, depending on whether we go shelter or breeder route. Labs and Goldens are associated with higher risk for medical problems like joint problems and heart disease which can sometimes develop later, and eliminate their eligibility to be a good service dog. I want to do a rescue because it's way way cheaper, but it's not recommended because you don't know their social (trauma?) and medical history (bad joints?). Breeders are wickedly expensive, but have done genetic testing and chosen dogs to breed which will have the lowest likelihood for medical problems. They usually get them checked out by a vet before adopting out, to determine if they were born with any issues or are likely to develop any issues.

A trainer I found in SLC will train the dog for 2 years, through personalized obedience classes, group classes, public access training, and the tasks listed above for $3000. We can lower this cost by approaching it more “a la carte” and choosing only the more complicated trainings to have the trainer do (tasks, public access).

The last cost is everyday stuff like food, and medical care.

I think it's a good idea to use the trainer as well as continue training on my own because I studied neuroscience, not dogs, and I really have no idea what I'm doing. If I can't figure out how to do makeup from youtube, maybe I won't be able to figure out dog.

I know a dog will really improve my life and I really appreciate if you share this and or donate. Thanks so much.

Love,

Mer