Hi, my name is Amanda, I'm 47 years old and I'm currently in a relationship for about 6 years that's become completely toxic. I am no longer safe here, being either physically or emotionally, since he enjoys doing both. He has completely isolated me over the years to the point 2 of my 3 kids (adults)sadly have nothing to do with me.

There are many reasons for that honestly, him being one of the main reasons but I have made mistakes in the past they've yet to let go of. And not because I've failed to try and make up for those mistakes or change things in my life cause I have. They just simply are not ready to move on from them yet.

As for the other, my daughter she has on many occasions offered to help but I can't put my problems on her. She is an amazing mom to 3 kids, which she just had her 3rd this past week. And she's building a life with someone, she has her little family & I won't stand in the way or bring my problems to her home. I've done my fair share of bringing heartache in the past I cant do it again.

The only other people in my life at all is my mom and my oldest brother. But my mom struggles with just her, so there's not much she can do. And my brother, well 99% of the time, he's just as toxic. He's my brother & I love him dearly, I would do anything for him (which I do) but he doesn't in return. My current address is actually his place that was left to him by our grandparents. He sold off what he could, let the house fall apart & left it abandoned for months. He then came to me offered me the house cause he wanted nothing to do with it. It was our grandparents so I was extremely happy. Me and my bf worked for months cleaning it up, getting it back to where we could actually live here. We put a lot of money in here & once we accomplished that, he has went back on everything & I'm once again left with nothing. He now hangs it over my head so I'll do exactly what he wants me to.

So now not only am I in a house with an abusive bf but my brother is also very abusive, mainly emotionally/mentally but I think most days that's worse.

They have me so beat down, I barely leave my room, I do nothing but cry & I hate to admit this some days I feel so defeated I start to think there's only 1 way out. So

I can't do this anymore, I'm not asking for anything more than simply some peace. I want to be able to just breathe, I am tired of being on edge all the time. It's literally killing me, I've lost so much of myself I'm not sure I'll ever get her back. And at this point that's ok, if I can just learn to stand on my own again, I don't care if that's in a shack, rv, a home, or in a tent somewhere. Just somewhere I know I'm ok & no longer have to hear all the vile things they love to say

I've got nothing, no car to find more work, no where to go, no one to call. I would be forever grateful for any help at all, even if it's enough to go to a motel. I just so desperately need out, I don't want this as my life anymore, I don't want to lose anymore of myself here. I want my peace of mind so I can be the woman, mother & Mimi I so desperately want to be..I want to be happy with some peace of mind. Thanks